I've been lifeing...

Its been a bit, and I've been "lifeing" but here I am!!!

There's been a lot going on, and I haven't had a lot to say. I've sat down to write a few times, but slowly closed the computer screen right back down moments later. But here I am!

About 6 months ago my mother-in-law hosted a LuLaRoe pop-up party! ((for those who are not familiar, it is clothing that is sold online or by a pop-up party. not all inventory is the same from consultant to consultant, and you cant just go in a store and purchase it)) I loved this dress, and my momma offered to get it for me..... but she would only hand it over under 1 condition. I didn't get it till I lost 30bs. I happily agreed, as I knew it was much needed for me to do so.. and as much as that seems like a bribe just to lose weight.. my mom's heart was in the right place. I NEEDED to lose the weight.

last week... I got my dress!!

I know that lula isn't everyones cup of tea when it comes to clothes. Some of the patterns are a little wild. But for me, its comforting! Its more flattering on me then a lot of other things I own. It is more flowy for girls with curves, and I feel good in it. and let me 1000% honest when I say - I couldn't stand putting on jeans for a period of time a few months ago, because I'll be dammed if I was going to size up AGAIN, and I didn't feel comfortable in the ones I owned.
**true life story. I cant tell you how many times I had to tell myself "I WONT SIZE UP AGAIN" ... and I did. .. and I did.... and then, I couldn't do it again.

Last weekend, my mom and I drove over to Spokane and enjoyed the weekend and Easter with my brother, sister-in-law, niece.. and my other brother and his girlfriend who drove over too! Dad was sick. :( So rather than getting everyone else sick, he stayed home. And Uncle Corey had to work. :( So he stayed back as well.

For anyone who didn't see pictures - we had a blast!!!!

And my niece is now in LOVE with Silly String!!!! :)

I still got my workouts in! In the Hagen Family gym... walking on the mill while my brother did his biking! Then later that afternoon, he was going for a run.. Knowing I couldn't keep up with him and Jens by foot, we decided I'd bike... It took 3 days, but I FINALLY stopped hurting! :D Its a street bike, so the tires and seat and MUCH smaller than a normal ridding bike. But, I did it!!!! I almost didn't leave the street and gave up.. but I didn't want to give up. I wanted to say that I could do it! I wanted to prove myself wrong. it hurt. it was painful. and I had no idea what I was doing with all the gears! but, I did it!!! I felt like I was dragging him down a bit, but he wasn't unhappy with me! They are such great supporters of me!! I was happy to get to do that with him!!

I'm not like a regular aunt!! I'm a cool aunt! :)

and Angie, Kristina, and I went for a walk Easter morning!

It was a nice, brisk, chilly, but beautiful day out!!

I love getting an opportunity to spend time with family! I've missed them so very much!! Its the first time I've seen them since Christmas. It was a much needed visit! My niche is hilarious!! She's got jokes for days!! It helps that she has such a hilarious aunt!! ;)

I joined a diet bet... yeah- me. I know. right?! ((for those of you, unsure of what that is - I bet $30 I could lose 4% of my weight in 4 weeks. If I succeed, I get my money back, as well as part of the pot of money.. the game takes a portion and the winners take a portion. if EVERY person wins, then we at least get our money back.)) As of yesterday, I still needed to drop 5lbs. I was extremely overwhelmed over it. I was starting to feel like I was going to fail. I don't want to fail my first one. I don't want to feel defeated on the first one I attempt. but - HUGE stress relief, this morning I weighted in only 1lb away!!! Hopefully I can lose another 2-3lbs before next Monday morning when we weigh in! It helps that we got our grocery shopping done and our meal prep going on again!!

I took a few "life" days .. and even though I still maintained my 5 days or more exercising a week (my goal), I wasn't super on the ball with my eating. I pretty much stayed around the same weight, give or take a pound.. but since I wasn't losing anything, I needed to reset and shock the system. I was getting down on myself for just staying flatlined. I was over the same things day in and day out. I was mad at food for being food... and most of all, going out, wasn't as satisfying as we'd hoped it'd be! ((unless it was Mexican. Mexican food NEVER disappoints me!)) I felt super behind on my bet, since I was staying in one place... and I was beginning to feel like a failure again. and I WASNT going to let myself do that. I wasn't going to lose 30lbs, and stop there. So, here we are... back to our home dinners. cooking together. having dinner with my husband at the dinner table. that's the kind of stability I need in my life!

I like to call them "life" days, rather than "cheat" days or "splurge" days.. I shouldn't feel like I'm doing something wrong, just because I'm enjoying life!! If I want to go out to eat for dinner, with friends, I can. I'm an adult! As long as I'm not going out to eat EVERY night with friends, 1 night every few weeks is perfectly fine. its simply living life!!!

my goal was to lose 20 more pounds before our cruise. I'm more like 18ish away now.. but I'm not sure if I'll reach that goal since I'm only 6 weeks away. if I do.. it'll be 50lbs down!! that's huge! :)

SO huge for me.

I'm still not seeing a change in my physical appearance. Sometimes I see a little change in my face.. but that's about it. My body doesn't look very different in my eyes. but, as long as the scale is moving.. I'm happy! I know there are other victories.. like - measurements, or just feeling good... and trust me.. I feel a LOT better after getting back to eating at home again.

and for the record... my brother and sister-in-law have a wall full of mirrors in their workout room... so I did finally take full shots. I'll share them, but.. it makes me feel a lot self conscious and a little defeated.... however - I know it'll be good for a future reference.

so here you are...

I can also feel the weight loss in my treadmill walking, too... I haven't gotten shin splints in a bit.. which is GREAT! Those are terrible. and hurt TREMENDIOUSLY. Its a victory in its self when I can get through an hour walk, without those!! Now its building up my legs on the bike! ((if you remember, my brother offered us his bike they no longer wanted... we now have it in our possession!)) Yesterday I did 10 mins.. today, 15mins with breaks. its no joke!! but I'm bound to get to 30mins to an hour!!! I balance it out with my walks on the mill.

I'm certainly happy at about 2-3lbs of loss a week. I'm not in a rush to lose the weight, but I am going to lose it. that's that. I know it took me many years of gaining the weight, to have it.. so it'll take me some time to get it off. I gave my self a 2 year goal to get down to 150...

((I might be repeating things from previous blogs at times.. but bear with me!!))

I just want to be healthy. it doesn't matter how long it takes to get there.. its about the process of moving and making better decisions!!

Overall, I'm glad that its a change in our home.. not just in my personal life. Having someone else doing the same thing, is great! I admire how hard my husband is working on his weight and lifestyle too!

p.s.- #selfieoritdidnthappen

((not all these pictures are from the same day. bahahaha...

I apparently just like to wear the same thing a lot when I workout!!!!))

32.8lbs down!!!!

:)

love to all

larissa