Quick thoughts...

We're in the car driving home from Spokane.. quick trip over for Nora's 5th birthday party and back. Being farther away from them, it's nice to get those memories, even if short and simple!!
She had a great birthday party!! Lucky girl to have so many in her life that love her!!

She doesn't always love me taking her picture.. in fact, 9/10 she fights me on it... But some day she'll thank me! 😉

2 days old.. & 1,830 days old!

Being an aunt is hard work. I'm not mom, I'm not the parent, I'm not the discipliner.. I'm supposed to be fun.. I spoil, I love, and she has so much of my heart that when she hurts, I break! 

But.. she's not mine!

One day she'll understand that although not mine by birth, she's still my first baby. And life wouldn't be the same without her.

Life has been hectic the last few months. I've disappointed myself more times than not. In my head, the way I was going the first few months definitely didn't follow course with the rest of this year. I was on the ball with food, exercise, mind set, losing weight, staying strong.... Then when everything dominoed, snow balled if you will, my mind went to crap and I haven't been able to get back on course since.

I've literally stayed within the same 5lbs since our vacation. I'm still down 35lbs... But I thought by now, I'd be down 50+. And, I'm not.

It's so close. Not far at all. Totally obtainable. But... I'm having such a hard time getting on track.

I wish it was as easy as others make it look. Don't get me wrong. I know it's not easy for them either! It just LOOKS like it!

So I've been chasing life with humor lately. I've been trying to just keep upbeat and lively. Because otherwise I start thinking about everything and it just gets in my head and gets me down.

I've watched videos of me from a year or two ago, and I can see a drastic difference in just me then to me now. But.. it's not good enough.

Not good enough for me.

There are so many things I want to be better for.. But my top two are me, and my husband.

I've seen small victories.. like this picture. I couldn't button this jersey when I bought it, 2 years ago for our engagement pictures, without it gaping between buttons..

Still a little snug, but those small things keep me going.

I see differences in this picture that have changed from last year.. we've definitely come far this year ... But, I can do better. And I need to remember that.

Anyway.. just a quick update to let you know that although I've fallen off the wagon.. it's definitely not because mentally I don't want it... It's cause I'm mentally sabotaging myself. And struggling. Majorly struggling.

I get on the mill every couple days.. less than I should be. I'm not pushing myself. But, I need to. I feel like my face is gaining weight again like crazy.

I still have plenty of time this year to lose another 15-20lbs to make it to *50*.

That'll be my end of year goal.

If I can hit that, my heart will be much happier.

Hope everyone else finds themselves well. Sending love to all.

:)

love to all-

larissa