Sometimes Later- Becomes Never

 

 

I didn't have a lot of time to write yesterday, as I was cramming it in before I got ready for work.. I just needed it to get out there, and be held accountable. Its really hard to better yourself. It is terribly hard to commit to changing your daily habits, even though I know how terribly important it is.

 

I stopped drinking pop on the 2nd of January.. I haven't had it but once this year. I try to drink between 2-4 liters of water a day, but its really hard when I sit all day, cause I constantly have to use the bathroom!! bahahaha. Corey got us started on these smoothies in the AM's, so I usually have that with a granola bar for breakfast. Then it gets difficult for the rest of the day! I've definitely found a better appreciation for zucchini, asparagus, and squash.. however its AMAZING how fast your calories add up.

 

I definitely need to get back into the gym.. Its really hard now that my schedule has changed. I cant go in the AM, cause I'm up at 4 for work... and I should definitely go in the afternoon, but I'm so tired by the time 3 rolls around. I just need to DO it. That's the hardest part. DOING it. I got my bag INto the car.. I just haven't taken it OUT of the car!

 

Another difficult thing is, I'm not a good cook. Its very hard for me to come up with things to eat, that aren't just a bowl of spaghetti o's! I've tried to make simple things that are low calorie, but it can be so time consuming when its just me 4 nights out of the week.

 

I've tried to get into salad. Sometimes I enjoy it. Other times I don't feel like it.

 

 

 

At the end of the day, I'm trying. I think more about the things that go into my mouth.. I think more about how much I eat. Sometimes I fix the situation, other times I just feel guilty about it, and eat it anyway... I need to break the guilt feeling. I need to know that I can have something if I want it, I just need to have it in moderation. I need to remember that I'm not doing this for anyone but myself. And that I need to do it, to life a healthier life.

 

 

17lbs down.. 110lbs-ish to go. I'll get there. All in good time. I'll get there.!

 

 

Back At It...

     Its been a rough last couple years, with everything our family has been going through. I don't mean to make excuses, but enduring the hardships of what my mom experienced, I tended to take it out on food. It was the consistent in life. Anyone and everyone who knows me, knows I've battled my weight my entire life. Except when I was about 5... I looked good then. Its no secret that I've always been overweight, and its no secret that I put on a VERY brave face to try and hide the fact that I'm VERY insecure about it. Its not that I don't think that I have a beautiful face, or a very loving heart, but I'm a very sarcastic person as well, and try to be too humorous at times, just to mask the person inside. I love my life. Don't get me wrong by any means. I have an amazing family, a loving boyfriend, his great family, and our outstanding friends. They mean everything to me. But this year- I needed to start doing things for myself.

     At the beginning of this year, 2015, we took it upon ourselves to start changing our habits. Who knew eating better, could help you lose 17ish lbs! So far that's where I'm at. The last few weeks I've kinda just stayed in the same area.... But I've decided to start writing about it again, in the hopes that it'll give me a little push to keep going. It hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been hard. Its a weird middle ground. You want to eat better, but eating bad is so much easier. Its interesting though, that when you start eating better, you sometimes crave that food instead of junk. Its been nice that we don't keep a lot of junk in the house. I know I've got to do this for me, and there's no better time then now to get it done. Just need to keep pushing.

     That is all for now.

 

     love.

 

Knowledge and Wisdom

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

 

 

This is hard for me.. because I know when I'm eating something I shouldn't.. I know when something isn't good for you, or when something is... but its hard for me to wrap my mind around a complete change.

 

I hate having to let go of so many good things... I'm a very picky eater to a point. I've been trying, but I can't say I've been trying my HARDEST. Which is upsetting to myself, because I know I could do much better then I have been.

 

Part of my mindset, is I know vacation is going to be a little rough to keep track on. I know we wont be eating out the whole time, or eating junk, but at the end of the day, its very hard to eat 100% healthy. So I've been thinking "I'll just do whatever til I get back, and then I'll buckle down." NO! I cannot think like that.. that's horrible.

 

I know I have so much more potential then I lead on.

 

I have to start the "job hunt" again after I get home from Florida... I need to find a position in a company that I'll be planning on staying with for a long while, and helps me be more stable. Right now I make enough to get by.. Pay the bills, and be done. I need to do more then just get buy. I cannot make a life with where I'm at right now.

 

I don't want to sound as though I blame my unhealthiness or my eating habits on the every day stresses of life, because I don't. but it sure is hard to be happy in life, when not all of your angles connect in the right place.

 

It will happen for me, I know it will. Soon everything will click into place. I'll find somewhere that makes me happy. Where I know when I put in all this energy into a job, its actually being recognized for what it is. Where I wont be as stressed, and things will come easy. (hopefully!)

 

I'm so excited for this vacation. Florida for a week. Boyfriend for a week. No work, for a week! I haven't spent much time with Corey lately because our schedules are just so off, but I'm so glad I get to have this much needed time with him! (and his family, of course!) :) Disney World is going to be a blast!!!

 

I'll update more when I get back from our trip. I'll let you know how the eating went. and how things are going to whip into shape when I get back. That includes maybe getting a gym membership or figuring out a schedule to go out and get some exercise.

 

Have a GREAT week!! :)

One Day...

THIS. IS. NOT. EASY...

I think the most frustrating part, is when I don't work... Lets be clear here- I LOVE my days off.. don't get me wrong. But I feel like when I'm in a rush, its easier to grab and go.. get everything set before hand. However if I'm home all day- or out the entire day, its hard for me to be good.

Yesterday my dad and I worked at the Kent Farmers Market from 8-2 and while there, I didn't eat. I did have a snocone- which isn't really good for you. But neither is going for 6 hours without eating. It was so hot out though, that even though I brought apples and nuts for a snack, I didn't feel like eating. We had BBQ for dinner, in which I tried to be good, but I was hungry.

I know it takes work, and I know its not easy. And luckily enough we don't have a WHOLE lot of junk in our house that's tempting.. and I've been really good about not eating out. Friday night we had a really late dinner, and we wanted something simple. My dad said just grab a burger and bring it home.. so I suggested taco bell so it would at least be a little better then burgers and fries... Not to say any fast food is good- but I tried to compare my options...

I have drank so much water in the last few days, I'm quite amazed with myself! Yesterday I had almost 2 liters before noon...

I try and drink a glass when I get up in the morning.. a bottle on my way to work.. and then I put a bottle in my lunch and refill it before going back to work... I've been doing really well- its just hard to force yourself to drink it. I LOVE water, I really do.. but I feel like I have to remember to drink it. With pop, I just drink it all the time, and am always thirsty... with water I'm not thirsty- so I forget to have it.

I'm worried about vacation at the end of the month!! We're going to Florida! That's going to be a hard one, to be good the whole time!!! But I'm going to try my hardest!! Its going to be hot, so water is definitely a must!! But I know I can make it work. Sucky thing is, I don't want to buy clothes, but I don't even own a pair of shorts... All my sundresses make me look pregnant, which is why I don't wear them in public.. and I don't want to wear pants the whole trip.

I don't even wish to be 110lbs.. I just want to be smaller, and healthier. Its so hard sometimes to see people do whatever they want, whenever they want, and I cant. I cant wear whatever I want, because I couldn't imagine people talking bad about what I look like. Which- I'm sure people do anyways, but I don't need to give them more reason. I'm not trying to impress people, but its just amazing when you think about all the things you are held back from.


One day, it'll be me.... one day.

The Question of the Century...

So as I've tried to change my "way of life" the last few days- its somewhat been thrown back into my face!!

Yesterday, was Day One of this new "lifestyle".. I thought I was doing pretty well. Started with a bagel and cream cheese.. which I only used about 1/2 the serving of cream cheese.. and a banana. Then, since I didn't have lunch at work (I only worked a 5 hour shift) when I took a 15min break I wanted to get a snack. So I proceeded to the vending machine, and attempted to get the bag of pretzels (pretty much one of the only things I could have) and accidentally pushed the wrong button... It gave me Chili Cheese Frito's... UGH!!!!! I CANT HAVE THOSE!!!!!!!! I was so angry. So I did the good thing, and didn't eat them. However, then I didn't get a snack.

Due to getting out of work late, I ended up getting home to change for my next job late, in which I didn't get to fix some lunch. So- unfortunately I did have to stop for a bite.. I did however go to Taco Time, and only got a soft-taco and no mexi-fries... I was at least partly good. Then I had a few wheat thins as a snack at work.. and then for dinner was meeting with a friend, so I did end up going out. But I only drank water, and tried to be decent with my choices.

It wasn't exactly the easiest first day.

Today, Day Two.. has been another challenge. I again started my day with a bagel and light cream cheese.. and some fruit snacks. But, my lunch, was mostly unappetizing. I packed a really good salad that I prepared for myself, a bag of grapes, some fruit snacks, and a bottle of water. After a new bites of salad, it was nasty to me. So I didn't finish it.

By the time I left work, I was so overly tired, it was all I could do to get home.

After getting home, I needed a nap. I had the worst headache. Thought I was going to be sick. It took most of the night, some medicine, a nap, and then going to get dinner to start to lose the horrid pain going on.

I feel like if this is what its going to be like EVERY DAY, I don't know how much, or how long, I'll be able to handle it!!!!! :(

The biggest question I keep getting, which is hard on me is- "Now, your planning on exercising, right?" ..of course I am!!! And I fully intend on doing so. However, trying to change from anything, to water.. and then change most all of my eating habits.. the last thing I want to add to my plate is exercising.

I know that I need to. But I'm dreading it...
There will be a day, when I have everything down to a science, and I feel more comfortable adding in the working out, and knowing it really does go hand in hand. But as it is right now, I'm just so exhausted in my every day to day living that its hard to even think about it.

I cannot wait until I'm no longer just flat out dead tired. I cannot wait to feel good about getting up an hour or so earlier then I need to, just to spend some time on me. Feel like I can accomplish anything. Know that I'm capable to do anything I put my mind to.


This is a lot harder then I need it to be. Whether or not it has to be, it is. I feel like an 80 year old trapped in a 24 1/2 year olds body.

no.good.

Let's Start At The Very Beginning.. A Very Good Place To Start

So- an update.. (I know.. its only been 7ish flipping hours..) but my mom and I went shopping tonight for some groceries.. On the list (and more that we stumbled upon) were-

*celery
*carrots
*cucumber
*broccoli
*noddles
*olive oil
*cream of broccoli/celery
*lettuce
*green beans
*wheat thins
*sausage patties/links
*English muffins
*bagels
*yogurt
*red/yellow/orange peppers
*apples
*bananas
*corn flakes
*grapes
*chili
*salad dressing
(there may be more, but that's off the top of my head.)

My thought is to put together a few salads a week.. in baggies or containers, that have lettuce, and some veggies... maybe grab a banana or some grapes, throw it all in a bag or lunch pail and take it to work for the days I have lunches... That will save me money on not buying food, have it ready a head of time so I don't get flustered at the last minute trying to make a lunch, and have me eating healthier to improve myself.

Two of my biggest problems are eating too much, and not eating often enough. I think what happens is- since I don't eat often enough (meaning every few hours, at least having a snack) I am really hungry by the time I do eat something. Which causes me to over eat. Then I feel really sick to my stomach... Like today for instance.. my mom and I had breakfast at about 10am and then we didn't really eat again (I had some skittles... I'm sorry) until 6pm when we had dinner. and I'm still over full from dinner at 11:30 at night.

I have noticed a huge difference in drinking water though. I feel better already- even though I haven't made all the drastic changes that I need to make. I was starting to get really bad charlie horses, or what I could feel were becoming of them. And I was also starting to get bad cramps in weird places in my body. Its been nice to attempt to flush out my system a bit, and get more water flowing through it.

About four or five years ago, I started a routine every day- well, every week day. I was up at I think it was 7:30 on the dot every morning.. I had my clothes/socks/shoes ready the night before, so when I got up, I got dressed and went out for my exercise right away. I would go down to our local track and do somewhere between a mile or two- walking and jogging, depending on how I felt, and then I would come home, have a bowl of cereal, a whole bottle of water, and then take a shower and start my day. On the weekends I would go to a local school or field, and kick around a soccer ball or run some lines or something to get me going. I stopped one day, and then never started back up. It was one of my personal biggest mistakes. The only bad part then, was that I was doing the exercising, but I wasn't keeping up with the food part. Now I need to find that balance. I don't know where I'm going to fit it in, because at the time before, I wasn't hardly working.. and now I'm working two jobs. But I will find time. I have to find time.

Anyways- I'll post pictures later of different things I make and/or create, and how they turned out...

I got a magazine called "Cooking Light" so hopefully it will have some good ideas in it as to simple things I can make.

Wish me luck! :)
-larissa

Attempting time on me...

I've battled with my weight most of my life... Its not something I'm proud of, but I live my life day to day best I can without it trying to control me.

Theres very many things I need to change, and do differently, but sometimes its hard to get out of those every day bad habits that you create for yourself. How do you stop doing something thats so easy to continue.

I've so far this week, tried to control what I drink.. I havent consumed pop since Wednesday 7/25.. and I dont plan on drinking it for a very long time. I've managed to drink a lot more water in the process, which oddly enough I very much enjoy the taste of it. I have found with myself I will drink pop after pop and let it replace my water intake drastically. Therefore the best way for me to control the water, is to drop the pop completely.

I've also tried to cut out fastfood. Such a bad thing for you- but guess what.. its fast. I work back to back jobs usually atleast once, sometimes twice a week. To get from one to the other within an hour, while having a chance to change sometimes doesnt give me a good oppertunity to grap something good for me. I need to figure out how to do better for myself.

I'm working on controling my money better- which will also help if I'm not out buying food all the time. I'm not trying to defend my weight or say that its not my fualt. I clearly have some serious problems with myself, and my weight. Its unfortunate as well, because I do believe I'm a very kind hearted, beautiful person. I just need to change a lot of my fualts, and as soon as I can. I keep going through problems with my health, that I see- but the doctors never seem to think I have a problem.

I'm afraid of having heart problems, diabetes, blood issues, ect. and so far- I've lucked out and havent had any issues. but it can only go so long before it'll catch up to me, and I'll be in a world of hurt.

I need to start with self control. Bettering myself every day. Taking control of myself, and my life.

Thanks for listening.