The Question of the Century...

So as I've tried to change my "way of life" the last few days- its somewhat been thrown back into my face!!

Yesterday, was Day One of this new "lifestyle".. I thought I was doing pretty well. Started with a bagel and cream cheese.. which I only used about 1/2 the serving of cream cheese.. and a banana. Then, since I didn't have lunch at work (I only worked a 5 hour shift) when I took a 15min break I wanted to get a snack. So I proceeded to the vending machine, and attempted to get the bag of pretzels (pretty much one of the only things I could have) and accidentally pushed the wrong button... It gave me Chili Cheese Frito's... UGH!!!!! I CANT HAVE THOSE!!!!!!!! I was so angry. So I did the good thing, and didn't eat them. However, then I didn't get a snack.

Due to getting out of work late, I ended up getting home to change for my next job late, in which I didn't get to fix some lunch. So- unfortunately I did have to stop for a bite.. I did however go to Taco Time, and only got a soft-taco and no mexi-fries... I was at least partly good. Then I had a few wheat thins as a snack at work.. and then for dinner was meeting with a friend, so I did end up going out. But I only drank water, and tried to be decent with my choices.

It wasn't exactly the easiest first day.

Today, Day Two.. has been another challenge. I again started my day with a bagel and light cream cheese.. and some fruit snacks. But, my lunch, was mostly unappetizing. I packed a really good salad that I prepared for myself, a bag of grapes, some fruit snacks, and a bottle of water. After a new bites of salad, it was nasty to me. So I didn't finish it.

By the time I left work, I was so overly tired, it was all I could do to get home.

After getting home, I needed a nap. I had the worst headache. Thought I was going to be sick. It took most of the night, some medicine, a nap, and then going to get dinner to start to lose the horrid pain going on.

I feel like if this is what its going to be like EVERY DAY, I don't know how much, or how long, I'll be able to handle it!!!!! :(

The biggest question I keep getting, which is hard on me is- "Now, your planning on exercising, right?" ..of course I am!!! And I fully intend on doing so. However, trying to change from anything, to water.. and then change most all of my eating habits.. the last thing I want to add to my plate is exercising.

I know that I need to. But I'm dreading it...
There will be a day, when I have everything down to a science, and I feel more comfortable adding in the working out, and knowing it really does go hand in hand. But as it is right now, I'm just so exhausted in my every day to day living that its hard to even think about it.

I cannot wait until I'm no longer just flat out dead tired. I cannot wait to feel good about getting up an hour or so earlier then I need to, just to spend some time on me. Feel like I can accomplish anything. Know that I'm capable to do anything I put my mind to.


This is a lot harder then I need it to be. Whether or not it has to be, it is. I feel like an 80 year old trapped in a 24 1/2 year olds body.

no.good.

Let's Start At The Very Beginning.. A Very Good Place To Start

So- an update.. (I know.. its only been 7ish flipping hours..) but my mom and I went shopping tonight for some groceries.. On the list (and more that we stumbled upon) were-

*celery
*carrots
*cucumber
*broccoli
*noddles
*olive oil
*cream of broccoli/celery
*lettuce
*green beans
*wheat thins
*sausage patties/links
*English muffins
*bagels
*yogurt
*red/yellow/orange peppers
*apples
*bananas
*corn flakes
*grapes
*chili
*salad dressing
(there may be more, but that's off the top of my head.)

My thought is to put together a few salads a week.. in baggies or containers, that have lettuce, and some veggies... maybe grab a banana or some grapes, throw it all in a bag or lunch pail and take it to work for the days I have lunches... That will save me money on not buying food, have it ready a head of time so I don't get flustered at the last minute trying to make a lunch, and have me eating healthier to improve myself.

Two of my biggest problems are eating too much, and not eating often enough. I think what happens is- since I don't eat often enough (meaning every few hours, at least having a snack) I am really hungry by the time I do eat something. Which causes me to over eat. Then I feel really sick to my stomach... Like today for instance.. my mom and I had breakfast at about 10am and then we didn't really eat again (I had some skittles... I'm sorry) until 6pm when we had dinner. and I'm still over full from dinner at 11:30 at night.

I have noticed a huge difference in drinking water though. I feel better already- even though I haven't made all the drastic changes that I need to make. I was starting to get really bad charlie horses, or what I could feel were becoming of them. And I was also starting to get bad cramps in weird places in my body. Its been nice to attempt to flush out my system a bit, and get more water flowing through it.

About four or five years ago, I started a routine every day- well, every week day. I was up at I think it was 7:30 on the dot every morning.. I had my clothes/socks/shoes ready the night before, so when I got up, I got dressed and went out for my exercise right away. I would go down to our local track and do somewhere between a mile or two- walking and jogging, depending on how I felt, and then I would come home, have a bowl of cereal, a whole bottle of water, and then take a shower and start my day. On the weekends I would go to a local school or field, and kick around a soccer ball or run some lines or something to get me going. I stopped one day, and then never started back up. It was one of my personal biggest mistakes. The only bad part then, was that I was doing the exercising, but I wasn't keeping up with the food part. Now I need to find that balance. I don't know where I'm going to fit it in, because at the time before, I wasn't hardly working.. and now I'm working two jobs. But I will find time. I have to find time.

Anyways- I'll post pictures later of different things I make and/or create, and how they turned out...

I got a magazine called "Cooking Light" so hopefully it will have some good ideas in it as to simple things I can make.

Wish me luck! :)
-larissa

Attempting time on me...

I've battled with my weight most of my life... Its not something I'm proud of, but I live my life day to day best I can without it trying to control me.

Theres very many things I need to change, and do differently, but sometimes its hard to get out of those every day bad habits that you create for yourself. How do you stop doing something thats so easy to continue.

I've so far this week, tried to control what I drink.. I havent consumed pop since Wednesday 7/25.. and I dont plan on drinking it for a very long time. I've managed to drink a lot more water in the process, which oddly enough I very much enjoy the taste of it. I have found with myself I will drink pop after pop and let it replace my water intake drastically. Therefore the best way for me to control the water, is to drop the pop completely.

I've also tried to cut out fastfood. Such a bad thing for you- but guess what.. its fast. I work back to back jobs usually atleast once, sometimes twice a week. To get from one to the other within an hour, while having a chance to change sometimes doesnt give me a good oppertunity to grap something good for me. I need to figure out how to do better for myself.

I'm working on controling my money better- which will also help if I'm not out buying food all the time. I'm not trying to defend my weight or say that its not my fualt. I clearly have some serious problems with myself, and my weight. Its unfortunate as well, because I do believe I'm a very kind hearted, beautiful person. I just need to change a lot of my fualts, and as soon as I can. I keep going through problems with my health, that I see- but the doctors never seem to think I have a problem.

I'm afraid of having heart problems, diabetes, blood issues, ect. and so far- I've lucked out and havent had any issues. but it can only go so long before it'll catch up to me, and I'll be in a world of hurt.

I need to start with self control. Bettering myself every day. Taking control of myself, and my life.

Thanks for listening.